Don't tempt me-2
So, I've told Brenda how my dearest wish is to move-out, and she has a friend who has a group home and would be willing to take me. Sounds good, eh? No more parents. I am tempted, but I see various problems:
1. Money - I do get a small pittance called SSI. I do pay rent, but I still have enough left over to buy clothes, entertainment, my bus pass, wheelchair parts and other medical expenses medicaid won't pay for, my cell phone bill, etc...living somewhere else would take most that extra money away...and I don't think I could live without it.
2. Location -This house is in a small town 20-30 minutes north of here. I doubt finding a job there would be easy. I don't even think c-van goes out there. There is no singles' congregation up there for my church and I don't want a long commute to church. How would I get to my art class? I don't want to leave my peeps.All my friends, all my doctors, and most chances for jobs are here.
3. Perception- I want to have a normal life. I want to have a job and have friends and not live in a group home. I am open to the possibility of getting help, but I still want to be as independent as possible. Everyone seems to think I am helpless. I admit that I can't do most things without help...but I don't necessarily have to be helped by another human being. I used equipment quite well at college.thank you very much. Why is everything going in the wrong direction? This would make me more dependent, less hirable, house bound and more poor.
It would get me out of the house, but I wouldn't be free. That's what I really want. I want to be in control of my life...and this doesn't feel very in control. I am willing to compromise. But I will not compromise on everything. And I don't think I should have to.
I have an education, and no matter what anyone says or assumes about my abilities, I have enough to live on my terms. I am not willing to roll over and die. No matter how selfish I'm being or how much my existence annoys people or the government resents me.
But I am tempted. If only a change in address would make my parent's respect me!
What are your non-group home independent living options on a low/fixed income in your area? You've expressed the ability to do many things independently, so you don't require 24-hour care. You are already familiar with attendant care services (you've mentioned your "helper" before). Taking a spot in a group home would be undesirable for you, and would be essentially taking a space from someone who needs to live in that kind of setting.
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Here we go -- to be able to get low income housing, there's a list you get on - with a 3 year waiting period. I didn't sign up when I first moved here cause I thought I'd get a job -- stupid, naive me. Now, they have closed the waiting list...and I can't get on it. Plus, the low-income apts. here are scary. They have quite the community of child molesters...I hardly would feel safe in a regular apt. alone -- a young, pretty woman in a wheelchair living on her own? Can you say target?
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Wow....this reminds me of how I felt when I was at this stage of my life... Unsolicited advice coming, and you can use it or not...your transportation network and group of friends will be the most important things in your life, more than working...(I won't say more than romance, because I was lucky to have that show up) Keep 'em, even if it means you have to stay at home longer. And your parent's will either respect you or they won't...a change of address won't mean as much to them as a job would...but trust me, once you *get* a job, then you get years of grousing because it isn't the *right* job, according to the parents...so...some battles you may not win, but friends are important...
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"A young, pretty woman in a wheelchair living on her own? Can you say target?" Yes, I can. I've been the young, pretty woman in a wheelchair living on her own, on the waiting lists, and then in an dodgy SRO building in a large metropolitan area. With the appropriate home-based services. Independence isn't always easy or pretty. You have to weigh the risks and make the decisions that get you there.
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I've made my decision. I want a job first. I want to pay my own way. Living wih my parents sucks, but this is a nice place and they're safe. I guess I am a bit of a snob, but I lived in my share of ratholes in college. I don't need to live in a palace, but low-income housing? I want more than that. I cannot settle for that. Plus, my parents would freak. I need the little support they do glve me
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Thanks for the advice. :
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