Today I am super annoyed - with everyone. I woke up to my dad complaining about something not important really loudly. Good morning, Sarah. I haven't heard anything about the internship yet. Not even someone telling me that they don't know anything. Nothing. Silence. Silence never bodes well. If I do get this job, my hours change and bye bye care attendant, which is fine, but she is already making preparations with other jobs...and I get this sick feeling in my stomach...but I can't tell her to stay. I don't know anything myself. Ugh. I hate my life. I'm sick of putting life on hold for other people...I just can't rely on other people...and nobody seems to care about my plans or feelings as much as I care about them...even my care attendant, who is getting paid. And yes, it isn't a mint, but she gets paid pretty well for having dropped out of high school. I don't think I ask for much. For instance, I asked my dad if he could drive me to Portland for my OHSU appointment in December (we re-scheduled with the right doctor), and he fell silent. He didn't say anything, which is a feat for my dad. It wasn't a good silence,but the resentful I-don't-want-to-take-you-but-I-don't-want-to-say-it-outloud-and-hear-how-selfish-I-am. Man, the last time I asked him to take me to Portland was for a dentist app. over a year ago. My mom does it too. She has a rug near the front door that does not like my chair. I always get tangled up in it whenever I go near the door.....which happens every so often because sometimes I have to use the front door.....shocker, I know. Anyways, I have asked her to move the rug or change it or something...and I just get this resigned silence. It's like how dare I inconvenience them to make my life easier? Some little part of me holds on to this idea. I really have a hard time asking people for things...I mean, if my family thinks I am this big burden...why would I be any different to anyone else? Logically, I know I'm worth it, but emotionally... Emotions are not logical..