Long time, no write
Well,
it has been more than a year.
I started having small spasms a few years ago. Looking back, it affected me a lot more than I thought, but I never did anything for it. A little over a year ago, my legs started stiffening, after trying to control the ever worsening spasms with some baclofen, an anti-spasm drug, they started moving and shaking uncontrollably for a few hours each day. I stopped the drugs, took an unfruitful trip to the emergency room and tried to contact my neurologist, but the spasming just got worse.
I woke up on the morning of July 3, 2009, not being able to get out of bed because my legs shook so badly. Knowing all I know now, I'm not sure that I would have let my mom call an ambulance, but I did. I left my home for the last time on a stretcher. I went to the hospital, where they tried to dope me up to stop the spasms. I was in bed for a week. I don't remember much, but the spasms refused to stop. I could hardly bend my knees. They finally moved me to 4-west. I started oral medication and intensive speech, occupational and physical therapy. I was in 4-west for 3 weeks (including my birthday). I was exhausted and drugged up, not to mention super stiff and still shaking a little. I decided to go live in an adult family home and wait for Botox (Botox blocks the nerve impulses that cause spasms, not to mention keeps my legs wrinkle-free). I actually ended up in a nursing home/rehab center, which was way traumatic for me. I never gwanted that. Ever. I was so drugged up though and all the therapists convinced me to stay until I got the Botox. As fate would have it (and medicaid; I so hate medicaid. Never vote to increase it; it doesn't work. A new program needs to take its place.), I didn't get approved for Botox until 6 months and a note my dad wrote threatening legal action later. I am on my second round of shots now. I am still on meds, but only a fraction of what I was on. No shaking! I am still here. Working on finding a suitable brace for my feet (the spasms left them inverted and medicaid's inability to get me proper footrests on my chair made my feet drop, so I can stand but only on the balls of my feet.) I am not going back home when I can get out. I don't exactly know what will happen yet. I will probably get a roommate/aide and rent an apartment somewhere. I can't believe a year has gone by and the nightmare isn't over yet. I am afraid. I know I have to get well, and ths is the best place for me to do that. I just miss the life I am not living. I miss my friends. I miss driving around with Scott. I've missed weddings, graduations, job opportunities, trips, babies, this blog; it makes my heart ache so much. I will get my life back. I will. After all, I am still me. And I will. I just wish I knew when.
I started having small spasms a few years ago. Looking back, it affected me a lot more than I thought, but I never did anything for it. A little over a year ago, my legs started stiffening, after trying to control the ever worsening spasms with some baclofen, an anti-spasm drug, they started moving and shaking uncontrollably for a few hours each day. I stopped the drugs, took an unfruitful trip to the emergency room and tried to contact my neurologist, but the spasming just got worse.
I woke up on the morning of July 3, 2009, not being able to get out of bed because my legs shook so badly. Knowing all I know now, I'm not sure that I would have let my mom call an ambulance, but I did. I left my home for the last time on a stretcher. I went to the hospital, where they tried to dope me up to stop the spasms. I was in bed for a week. I don't remember much, but the spasms refused to stop. I could hardly bend my knees. They finally moved me to 4-west. I started oral medication and intensive speech, occupational and physical therapy. I was in 4-west for 3 weeks (including my birthday). I was exhausted and drugged up, not to mention super stiff and still shaking a little. I decided to go live in an adult family home and wait for Botox (Botox blocks the nerve impulses that cause spasms, not to mention keeps my legs wrinkle-free). I actually ended up in a nursing home/rehab center, which was way traumatic for me. I never gwanted that. Ever. I was so drugged up though and all the therapists convinced me to stay until I got the Botox. As fate would have it (and medicaid; I so hate medicaid. Never vote to increase it; it doesn't work. A new program needs to take its place.), I didn't get approved for Botox until 6 months and a note my dad wrote threatening legal action later. I am on my second round of shots now. I am still on meds, but only a fraction of what I was on. No shaking! I am still here. Working on finding a suitable brace for my feet (the spasms left them inverted and medicaid's inability to get me proper footrests on my chair made my feet drop, so I can stand but only on the balls of my feet.) I am not going back home when I can get out. I don't exactly know what will happen yet. I will probably get a roommate/aide and rent an apartment somewhere. I can't believe a year has gone by and the nightmare isn't over yet. I am afraid. I know I have to get well, and ths is the best place for me to do that. I just miss the life I am not living. I miss my friends. I miss driving around with Scott. I've missed weddings, graduations, job opportunities, trips, babies, this blog; it makes my heart ache so much. I will get my life back. I will. After all, I am still me. And I will. I just wish I knew when.
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