This is my attempt to join the blog carnival at chronicbabe. The question posed for this blog carnival is How do you handle a crisis?

Crisis..

I've been thinking about this a lot throughout this week, and I think this is the perfect time to write about this because I'm smack dab in the middle of one!

A quick rewind
I have just started up this blog again after about a year hiatus because I developed spasms , as a complication of the degenerative nerve disease I was born with and was hospitalized. The leg spasms were so hard to keep under control I was doped up and sent to a nrsing home/rehab place  with the promise of Botox and that I could move into an adult family home soon.

The botox didn't come for 6 months. (Stupid state of WA.)

In short, I am still here in the nursing home.

With a ton of questions.

What's up now

The Botox the state begrudgingly gave me is now gone. I need more. Will I get it?

I don't want to start shaking again. I don't want to do the major meds again, but that is on my mind heavily right now, affecting my immediate future.

Then, there's my upcoming surgery. While I was waiting for the Botox, I had no physical therapy, and i developed club feet , which can only be fixed with ankle surgery. My new worry.

Then, on top of all that, my electric wheelchair has ceased to function. My paperwork is STILL going through the state. (3.5 months after they got the paperwork.)

The spasms have really created a major turning point in my life. My home is a nursing facility!

How I deal

Sometimes, I just cry. Luckily, I did have the fortune of getting a room to myself. So, if I am quiet, I can cry all I want.(if I'm loud, the whole world comes in, accusing me of depression, which s the worst.)  Aren't I allowed to be sad sometimes/ Am I not allowed to be human? Sometimes it's good to let it all out.

I also write. In my blogs. Emails to others. For myself.  Writing is how I relate to the world. Writing is how I explore my emotions. Writing is how I figure things out. I owe my sanity to writing.

I also like to talk to my friends and family. I have a lot of them. Some visit (less and less). I call people (especially my friends who aren't here), and I just discovered Skype . It's so fun to see and talk with friends that are far away! I've even made quite a few friends here at the home. Some of the people here are interesting and fun to talk to, and I find it good to vent with people in the same position.

I am also a master of distraction. I love to read. I have a gallzillion books, and I love blog reading. I am even looking at buying a kindle soon.  I listen to music.  I watch many movies and DVDs. I love watching football too!

I go out. Right now, the loss of my chair is hard, but I have gone to movies, restaurants, shopping, church, my parent's house, even the park across the street! Going out reminds me I'm still a part of society.

I guess most of all, I have hope. Things will get better. I just have to be patient...right?