Well, my gynecologist trip was a flop. They wouldn't lift me. My mom even called to warn them I was coming, and they said they would help.

Now, I'm a virgin. Personal choice. Doesn't mean I can't have sex. Or will have sex one day.

Yet, she refused to check me.

And I just sat there, holding back tears of anger, letting her de-sexualize me and deny me medical care, which is against the law.

I'm so mad at the doctor and at myself for letting people treat me as a second class citizen.

How can I change that?

I am just  angry.

Tomorrow is take 2 for the gyno. Missed cvan.  MRI I  got was clean nerve- wise, but showed a pesky cyst on my ovary.

Haven't been to a gyno in years. Yep,medicaid doesn't cover it.

And I hate being carried onto high tables.

I hate not being able to transfer

Yes, everyone, I am a druggie.

I don't really like drugs, but once the spasms got out of control, I had no choice. I had to control them.

Or cut off my legs.

At first, I was devestated. So many drugs. I was in this fog. I couldn't think. I couldn;t even. I hated it.

I would try to skip my drugs in the early, days, but my legs would stiffen up or even start spasming. I've since lessened my drugs, but I still use them to control my spasms.

Some people would contend that I am a bad person because of that.

I don't think so. This isn't about drugs.

Its about treatment. Its about the quality nof my life.

Today was one of my sweetheart housemates' 83  rd birthday. She is the sweetest peopl ever.

Many morel, Joyce. Many more.

Happy vetrans' Day to my dad and all others that have served our country faithfully!!

And, as a contributer to chronicbabe's blog carnival, I just noticed it was due today, I am going to write my top ten list of things I'm grateful for:

10. C-van. This is my para-transit. It certainly isn't perfect, but because of my leg problems, I couldn't go viesit people, or shopping, or even church. I am very glad voter's decided to raise our sales tax to keep Sunday service, so I can go to church!
9. Nature. In my new place, I see it everywhere.  live by the river. Trees and even a stream is on the proprty. It is beautiful and gives 8me peacee. Oh, and I love the fall colors!
8. Music My Bose is finally back with me. I love my radio, and all the free mp3's from my library.
7. My education. I might not  have a job, but I love being a better writer and editor, and I  can use those skills to help others. I am so thankful for a great college experience!
6 My friends. Everyone from church, facebook or real life I talk to. You guys help more than you know.
5. My little HP netbook.  I love it! This computer gives me the internet, with all the blogs and social media. I can skype, watch tv, shop and look up informaion. It  even lets me write! I've even dropped it a few times. Yet, it still works!
4. Church.  I am thankful for church. I am thankful for all the friends I heave because of it. Yay for the service and love. I am also grateful for my relationship with heavenly father and Jesus Christ that gives me hope.
3. My kindle. Endless reading that's pretty light and easy for me to handle.
2. My family, especially my mom. My mom has helped me so much with this move. She helps me navigate my bazillion doctors, my equiptment, a lot. I love my famIly for all their visits, love, and support.
1. Moving out of the nursing home! Enough said!

I just  spent over 2 hours, scouring the internet for the shower chair I want, I then came  to
the conclusion that it didn;t exsist, under 2500 bucks anyway,

Why must everything health related be so expensive?

Poor lil medicaid girl.

I decided to get this:
http://www.careprodx.com/products/deluxe-shower-commode-chair-with-drop-arm-and-footrest.html , with a seat belt.

We'll see what medicaid can do.

I am trying to like this place...and I do. I really do. But this will not be long-term. Either I will first die of heat exhaustion or I will leave...but I know this is where God wants me rfight now...

But, man. it's hot!

I live in Washington, but I'm maybe am a half mile from the Colombia River, which is the border between W ashington and Oregon.

Sometimes  wish I was on the otiher side of thke rihver, but most of the timme not. (Oregon's medicaid is bankrupt.)

But today, I wwould be prrrrrrrroud to be an Oreegonian.  Today, they tested voing on an ipad to allow those with disabiliies to vote secretly..

Oregon gets a gold star from me today...

...now if Oregon could fund it's medicaid properly....

I read a blog the other day, where a diabled girl was mad because a guy waned to date her because he said he wanted to learn from her.

One of her replies was "I don't give out life lessins,"

 I LOVE THAT.

Check out The Halo Effect. Somethin I run into a lot personally. I play the benevolent crip a lot., but t doesn't get ne what I wan